Well, it is.
There’s no substitute for being paid. It has no equal. No matter how charming or persuasive you are, nothing beats the sheer joy of seeing that deposit hit your account on time. But, unfortunately, not every payment arrives promptly. Sometimes, it takes too long, and the feeling of being abandoned sets in.
When payments are delayed, our esteemed debtors often try to reassure us with polite excuses and soft promises. But these can’t be cashed at the bank. I can’t buy milk with assurances. And as much as I’d love to come in and discuss it, my car won’t run on empty promises. And if it did, I’d likely be told that Linda, the one who handles payments, only works Wednesdays.
This may seem feeble, but for many businesses and sole traders struggling to cope with the deepening costs crisis, we need to be less patient with poor financial conduct and the soporific nincompoops who embody it. So, in good humour, I’ve decided to dissect the most common dead-on-arrival excuses I’ve received for late payments, so we can confront this supine culture of acquiescence that we’ve allowed to fester.
Yikes, that was a mouthful. Still with me? Ok, great.
“I’ll pay you when my customer pays me.”
That’s reasonable. Because clearly, my agreement is with your customer, not you.
If you’ve ever done business with anyone, anywhere, at any time, then you’ve undoubtedly been graced with this verbal frolic. It’s a classic. While in previous years I’ve blindly accepted this as normal business practice, I’ve come to realise that it’s an attempt to shift the responsibility of cash flow management onto me. At best, it highlights poor financial planning, and at worst, it reveals ethical subversion.
I can already hear your saying, “John, you’re being unreasonable. Sometimes times are tough and we need to manage our creditors effectively to keep the business going.” Granted, keeping the doors open is essential, but that’s beside the point. Using this excuse signals poor financial planning or that your installer is simply not a priority. It raises red flags about reliability and trustworthiness, which can have a ripple effect throughout the industry and make others hesitant to work with you.
And let’s not forget the obvious that these factors do not abridge a creditor’s terms of service. Should I insult your intelligence by explaining this? Let’s move on.
“Please be patient, I have more work coming your way.”
Ah yes, the dangling carrot of future work. Despite my horse-like qualities, I do not, in fact, chase after my food.
While future opportunities are always appreciated, they do not pay the bills that are due today. This tactic attempts to distract from the immediate issue of an outstanding debt. It suggests that the only way to secure future work is to overlook the current debt, leading to a cycle of dependency and uncertainty.
And besides, who’s asking for future work? It’s a bit presumptuous to assume I need it when I can diversify and seek opportunities elsewhere. After all, your competitors are bidding on the same opportunities, and they’ll likely be looking for a friendly neighbourhood installer to assist them. Am I being callous?
Trust is built on reliability and consistency, not on vague promises of future work. So, let’s keep our promises today before talking about tomorrow.
“I’ve been busy and haven’t had time to pay you.”
Well, forgive me for intruding. I’m truly gratified that you found a moment to respond to my fourth reminder.
Making a payment is, as you know, an arduous and monumental task - perhaps as challenging as synchronised swimming or competitive knitting. But this persistent procrastination raises serious questions about your overall business management. Is being too busy really an excuse for neglecting such essential administrative tasks? If you're struggling to keep up with payments, I wonder what else is slipping through the cracks.
Recently, my girlfriend has begun “matching the energy” of the retailers that serve her. When they’re supportive, she’s supportive. But when they’re difficult and petulant, well, you can imagine. So, in characteristic style, forgive me if I’m suddenly too busy to provide quotes and confirm appointments.
At least you found time to read this blog.
“Can you resend your invoices so I know what’s outstanding.”
I just need to limber up before I touch my toes.
This request, while it may seem harmless, often feels like a stalling tactic. It’s not just about poor record-keeping; it's about not taking action when the invoice first appeared or when a reminder was received.
Like, it feels like I’m putting all the effort in this relationship and I just think it’s funny.
But let’s suppose there was a genuine administrative breakdown due to an influx of work or a major structural change that led to some records being missed. How many times are you going to drop the ball before I kick you off the court? Maybe it’s time to invest in a good filing system. Maybe Janet needs to go. Or, just a thought, perhaps we could start prioritising respect in our business interactions.
Conclusion
I get it, every business faces challenges and unexpected hurdles, but how we handle these situations speaks volumes about our professionalism and integrity. The excuses we’ve explored all have one thing in common; they shift responsibility and erode trust.
So, let's be real. If there's a problem, own it. If a payment is delayed, address it directly. Transparency and accountability are far more effective than a string of excuses. It's time to leave behind the worn-out justifications and embrace a culture of honesty and respect.
After all, getting paid is our love language, and it’s high time we all spoke it fluently.
